Timeless Lessons on Father’s Day

We are at the point in the calendar when we take a moment to celebrate our Fathers. For me, it is particularly poignant as it is the first Father’s Day without my own Dad, who passed away this fall.   He was our hero, not because he achieved epic feats, but because he did the little things in service and devotion to others, every day without fail, for his 88 years. I am sharing my thoughts here not so much as a tribute or ode to him, but to honor his devotion in service to others by sharing the advice and counsel he gave to me. Though I am celebrating his memory and the blessing that he was in my life, the true purpose is to offer some real-world thoughts on how to be a better leader, colleague, and subordinate, and provide some guidance on building an extraordinary culture.

Meet Fran Murphy

My father worked 30+ years for United Technologies. He never went to college and after serving a stint in the Air Force, he opted for trade school to study as an electrician and pursue a career in the Trades. To support his family, he worked nights loading computer tapes in the dungeon of the data building at UTC and eventually found his way up above ground, where, in a suit and tie, he spent his career as a COBOL computer programmer/analyst until he retired.

He was not a loquacious man, certainly not given to long speeches. He set an example for his children through his actions, not words. He lived his life in service to others, his wife, his family, his community, his church, his friends, and yes, even his employers.

So, it was a little surprising when he told me to sit down so he could share some thoughts with me about my impending sojourn into the corporate world, post college. Working summers driving trucks, forklifts, or tractors, I had never owned more than one suit. After coming home fresh from the Gentlemen’s Wearhouse with 3 new no-name $75 suits, some Jos A. Banks cotton shirts, and two pairs of Bostonian dress shoes, my Dad decided that now was the time to have a little father/son talk. The wisdom he shared still echoes in my mind today, and stipulating bias, was the best business lesson I ever learned.

He said, “Son, you are about to go off into the corporate world and it will be as strange a place as you have ever seen. You haven’t experienced anything like it, so it will be hard for you at first, but you are smart and will figure things out. Though it was a long-time ago, I went through the same thing and thought I would share how I have been able to survive these many years. A couple of rules I want you to follow.”

What he said next was better than anything I ever read in an HBR article.

Rule #1: Outearn Your Pay

Celtic great Bill Russell’s father gave him similar advice. He told Bill that he didn’t care what in life he decided to do, just always do it to the absolute best of his abilities. He told him you can be a ditchdigger for all he cared, but be the greatest ditchdigger the world has ever seen. They will come from miles around to watch you dig ditches. You must always be more valuable to the job than the job is to you. That way, you can tell a bad boss to go to hell!.” I would say that with an Olympic gold medal, 2 NCCA titles, and 11 professional championships, Bill Russell followed his father’s advice!

Rule #2: Don’t Spend Other People’s Money

My Dad told me that I was going to see office politics all around me with people spending lots of time gossiping, spreading rumors, or speaking ill of others, especially if they are jealous of their success. He said I needed to steer well clear of all of that; it is a cancer that must be avoided. Don’t concern yourself with others’ success or spending time trying to compare yourself to them, and certainly avoid the water cooler talk. Just keep your head down and follow rule #1.

Rule #3: Make Sure Your Boss Knows Who You Are and What You Are Doing

This was as far as he would go in terms of self-promotion, but he understood that realistically, you need to build a strong working relationship with your boss. This did not cross over to preening, showing off, or posturing in attempts to curry favor with the higher-ups. He had no time for that and saw that as another dark facet of office politics. He said my relationship with my boss should be based on what’s real, and that’s how I should want to be judged, not based on an image or perception falsely cultivated.

The Magic Formula

He said, “Son, if you follow these rules and if:

+ You are doing something that matters, and

+ You are doing it well, and

+ You are with the right organization,

= EVERYTHING ELSE WORKS ITSELF OUT!”

This part is a little complex. He wasn’t naïve that the world was full of sunshine, lollipops, and unicorns and that everything had a happy ending. If you are following these rules and bringing value, but it’s not working out for you, then you are not with the right organization and need to go somewhere where it does work for you. Though he did suggest some patience before arriving at that sort of conclusion. But by staying true to these precepts, the portfolio of value that you bring to your next professional challenge will have been finely tuned and likely well rewarded and appreciated.

Implications and Applications

There is brilliant simplicity in this dialectic. It empowers the individual to take command of their life and clears the mind of useless distractions while on their professional journey. First, think about the organization that adopts these precepts as the guiding mantra to their culture. Devoid of petty politics and mindless image building, it rewards a team of people who are constantly trying to outearn their pay and want to be held accountable for what they do, not how they are perceived. These companies achieve magical things. In my entire career in positions of leadership, I tried to build the essence of Fran Murphy’s definition of successful professionalism.

Of course, picture the enterprise that doesn’t follow these guidelines; not a place that is positioned for long-term success. To be fair, we are social creatures with human foibles, and so it isn’t so easy to build this sort of culture. I have been in places like that, and leadership wants to do the right thing, but has debilitating blind spots preventing them from seeing their true reality.

One final thought about my Dad’s advice. It applies to everything in life, not just your professional identity. If you constantly think about giving 51% in equal partnerships and don’t spend others’ money or constantly try to keep score on what you are getting out of it, you cannot help but be a better spouse, parent, friend, and neighbor; in short, a better person. That was my Dad.